You Are Not Alone- Baby Loss Awareness Day

Of course. Below is your updated full blog for Baby Loss Awareness Day with the revised introduction paragraph included. It keeps your original voice, uses NZ spelling, gender-inclusive language, and has no dashes.

You Are Not Alone: My Story of Endometriosis, PCOS, and Pregnancy Loss Written by Founder Yessenia Sandoval for Baby Loss Awareness Day 2025

Miscarriage affects around one in four people assigned female at birth. About one in seven live with endometriosis, and one in ten with PCOS. I live with both, and for me, that has meant years of surgeries, treatments, and loss, carrying the physical pain of endometriosis and the emotional weight of dreams that kept slipping away.

Today I want to share my story, my heartbreak, and my vulnerability so that anyone out there who has walked a similar path knows they are not alone.

Living with Endometriosis and PCOS

Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome are both complex and often misunderstood conditions. Endometriosis happens when tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside it, which can cause chronic pain, inflammation, scarring, and sometimes infertility. PCOS affects the ovaries and hormones, causing irregular cycles, changes in ovulation, and sometimes metabolic or insulin resistance issues.

Each condition on its own can make trying for a baby difficult. Together they create an even steeper path. Endometriosis can affect egg quality and cause pelvic adhesions that block or distort the fallopian tubes. PCOS can prevent regular ovulation and change the hormonal environment needed for conception and implantation. The result is often years of hope followed by heartbreak.

Trying for a Baby

For years I tried everything that might help. I changed my diet. I saw holistic doctors and fertility specialists. I had surgery to remove endometriosis and tried medications to regulate my hormones. I explored IVF and every supplement or therapy that offered a glimmer of hope. Each step came with physical pain, emotional exhaustion, and financial strain.

There were moments of hope when I saw two lines appear on a test. I would start imagining baby names, tiny clothes, and the life I thought I was building. But again and again, that hope was followed by loss. Sometimes early. Sometimes further along. Every time it felt like part of me broke.

There were times when I did not even tell my partner at the time. Miscarriage had become my normal. One of those times I was at work when I felt the familiar pain and knew what was happening. I went to the bathroom, cried quietly from the pain and the loss, and then went back to my desk. My boss came up to me and said I did not look well. I went to the daycare, picked up my son, went home, and acted like nothing had happened. Why say anything? People had already told me so many times how lucky I was to have a son. And yes, I am. I love him with everything I have to give. But those words made me feel that I did not have the right to be sad anymore about any pregnancy loss that had happened or that would happen again. I felt miscarriage had become my normal. I had begged and prayed for a child for so long and I had one, so how dare I ask for more or complain.

The Ectopic Pregnancy

When I had my ectopic pregnancy, it broke me in a way that took years to heal, as much as anyone can truly heal from something like that. That loss took so much from me. It took the baby I wanted. It took away my ability to breastfeed my son. It broke me in ways I did not know how to put back together. I did not know how to be a wife, how to be a mum, and how to live with the pain that consumed me. I did not realise it at the time, but that was the day my marriage started to end. The surgery took one of my fallopian tubes, adding even more obstacles to trying for another baby. When I returned to work after time off, I was bullied by colleagues for taking too much leave, for being sad, for crying at my desk for what they called “no reason,” and for needing time off for doctor’s appointments and counselling. It felt like I was being punished for grieving and for surviving something that had already taken so much.

The Emotional Weight

Living with chronic pain and reproductive health conditions already tests every part of you. Adding fertility challenges and pregnancy loss on top of that can be unbearable at times. I often felt like I was failing my body. I blamed myself for things completely out of my control.

Endometriosis and PCOS already make daily life hard. The fatigue, pain, and hormonal fluctuations can be overwhelming. Adding the repeated trauma of loss meant I was grieving while still trying to survive each day with an invisible illness that few truly understand.

I also faced the isolation that comes with infertility and miscarriage. Friends and family often do not know what to say. Some avoid the topic entirely. Others try to comfort but unintentionally minimise the pain. Over time, it can feel easier to stay quiet. But silence breeds shame, and shame keeps us suffering alone.

Why I Speak Out

Sharing this story is not easy. It means opening old wounds and exposing a part of myself that has been deeply private. But I know how powerful it can be to hear someone else say, “me too.”

I have learned through my work with Endo Warriors Aotearoa that storytelling changes things. It breaks stigma and creates understanding. When people talk openly about miscarriage, infertility, and reproductive health, it allows others to seek help and compassion rather than hiding in pain.

Baby Loss Awareness Day is a moment to honour all the babies who never made it earthside, to recognise all the parents and families who have experienced this grief, and to remind the world that our stories matter.

The Overlap of Endometriosis, PCOS, and Loss

Research shows that people with endometriosis or PCOS face higher risks of miscarriage and fertility challenges. For those with both, the combination can make conception and pregnancy even more difficult. Yet this area of healthcare still receives little attention, limited funding, and slow progress.

We need more research. We need doctors who listen and believe our pain. We need policies that support access to care, emotional support after loss, and inclusive fertility pathways for all genders and bodies.

To Those Who Have Lost

To anyone reading this who has known the ache of loss, please know this: your grief is valid. It does not matter how early or late it happened. It does not matter how many times you have tried. It does not matter what your gender or body looks like.

You are allowed to cry, to rage, to rest, to heal at your own pace. You are allowed to hope again, or to stop trying, or to not know what comes next. You are allowed to take up space in this world, even when you feel broken.

Finding Strength and Compassion

Through all the surgeries, failed treatments, and heartbreak, I have learned that healing does not always mean a happy ending. Sometimes healing is simply learning to live alongside the grief, to honour it, and to find connection with others who understand.

If you are in this place, please reach out for support. Talk to someone who gets it. Find a community, whether online or in person, that welcomes you without judgment.

You are not alone. You never were.

Language Matters

I use gender-inclusive language because not everyone who experiences pregnancy loss identifies as a woman. Trans men, non-binary people, and intersex people can and do experience miscarriage. Their stories are often erased. By including everyone, we make space for all who grieve and ensure that no one is left out of the conversation.

Support in Aotearoa New Zealand

If this story has brought up feelings or memories for you, please know that help is available. You do not need to carry this alone.

Miscarriage Support NZ Provides free, confidential support and information for anyone affected by miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy. 🌐 www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz

Sands New Zealand Peer support for families following miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn death. 🌐 www.sands.org.nz

The Grief Centre Counselling and resources for anyone experiencing loss or grief. 🌐 www.griefcentre.org.nz

Need to talk now? Free call or text 1737 to speak with a trained counsellor any time, day or night.